Note From Ranch Security
If you grew up reading Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type, I welcome you to read along from a dogs perspective. Hang on, it should be funny.
Dear Humans,
We noticed that the cows have been getting most of your attention these days. We feel unloved and like we just aren't your number one priority anymore. Remember when we were puppies? It was so fun we got special food, special toys, and we loaded up in the cab on long pickup rides. These days, it just doesn't feel the same. We ride on a dirty flatbed, sometimes on top of hay bales and we miss the air conditioning we had when sitting shotgun. Meanwhile, we have noticed that the cows have been getting special treatment. You wake up early to feed them, they even get cake! You spend all of your time making sure they are comfy when they calve and we have pups under the old tack shed.
So this letter is to bring this inequality to your attention. While the cattle get to be outside all day with you, I wait in the horse trailer and call your name over and over. If only you would let me out, I could help herd the cows through the fence and into the neighbors corn. It would be so helpful.
Another point we have been meaning to bring up, is that winter is coming and we have noticed the cows are getting special bedding. Us dogs have been sleeping on the old chewed up saddle blanket and, we think it is time for an upgrade. We noticed that both the horses and steers have special water troughs. This is definitely going to be non-negotiable. We need Yeti dog bowls. Insulated is all the rage these days, on the hot summer days a cool drink of water is just much better than the communal plastic bowl.
The other day when we went out to gather pairs, you had such high expectations for us and we felt that it was unfair. Considering that all the cows have to do is hide in canyons and run to the far end of the pasture. The calves get to play in the fences and then you send us to baby sit. We do not get paid enough to deal with these bawling Herefords. The cattle have it easy and we have decided that, until you talk to the cows about not being difficult, we politely resign from dealing with them.
Ranch security is a tough business, and it's hard for us canines to carry the burden we do. When the chickens are loose, who spends hours on end making sure they don't wander? When the brown UPS truck pulls up, we are the ones on the greeting committee. Who keeps the horses exercised at night, while doing midnight security rounds? It's the dogs. We carry this ranch and without our help, things will get tough.
We have raised our standards and think we should at least be treated to new bedding, riding in the pickup and getting cake. If you don't comply to our terms, we will stop chasing cows and no longer offer our ranch security.
Please leave the items we requested in our new solar-heated dog houses and the table scraps, they gotta go.
We like our steaks rare!
Shepard, Sable, Babe, Bean and Becky
